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about

This is a very personal piece I've been trying to write and record for almost a decade. It's really about me and my struggles with Bipolar Disorder and my creative pursuits.

lyrics

INTRO (feat. nylon guitar & hand percussion)

VERSE:
Old Man Saturn's in the hallway
(I) can see him through the door
Always comes round to help me
Like the years before
Always knows when I'm not doing well
Riding around with the top down and my ass exposed
Just like nobody knows.

We sit down at the kitchen table
And he pours the wine
Asks me how I've been doing
I lie and say I'm fine
Smiles at me and just shakes his head
Asks, "How long you gonna play this game?
You got no one else to blame."

BRIDGE:
"All the things I thought I wanted
All the things I had to say
Everything just slips away."

[INSTRUMENTAL 1 (feat. mandolin & cello)]

"Let's get down to brass tacks," he says
As he sips the wine
"Your real problem is your fear of drowning
And your fear of flying
You have to learn to accept some risk
Nothing ever happens 'til you take a chance
Change your circumstance."

I answer, "Easy for you to say
You've never had to choose
In all these years that I've known you
Never seen you lose
Everything always just goes your way
You're not the one whose been dealt this hand
You don't really understand."

"Everything I try won't turn out right
Every single choice I'm forced to make
Can't you see that it's my fate?"

[INSTRUMENTAL 2 (feat. lead guitar and bass)]

"Son," he says, "You've got me all wrong
Now listen hear
I've made my fair share of mistakes
And I know from fear
There's a fine line between concerned and scared
Only fools think that they can do no wrong
No need to be headstrong."

"You see, it's not that you have bad luck
Not the way you think
You have a tendency to freeze up
When you start to sink
You have to learn to get your timing down
That golden moment just before you're late
You must never hesitate."

BRIDGE
"It's the hardest thing to pull off
Stepping into the unknown
Finally embracing how you've grown."

[INSTRUMENTAL 3 (feat. violin & piano)]

VERSE:
He says, "Look at your situation
It's not all bad
All these people really love you
Best you've ever had
When you gonna show them some gratitude?
Spinning through life like a Catherine Wheel
How does it make them feel?"

I argue for my limitations
And he just smiles
Says, "You've got to stop pretending
Be yourself for a while
You'll never make it as someone else
Hasn't it occurred to you this shit don't work?
Stop being a fucking jerk."

BRIDGE:
All the things I've worked so hard for
All the promises I've made
Seems the last card has been played.

[INSTRUMENTAL 4 (strings and winds)]

VERSE:
Old Man Saturn says he's leaving
"My work's done here
Try to pull yourself together
See you in a year
Remember there's more to life than compromise
Can only give what's there inside of you
To thine own self be true."

Old Man Saturn gets up from his seat
Heads for the door
He always leaves his glass half empty
Never wanting more
I still don't understand a thing he said
La dada dee da da da dum da dee dum
Probably all in my head.

Old Man Saturn's in the hallway
I watch him walk away
I don't go after him to ask if
He'd like to stay
In all these years it's always been this way
Only comes around for Transformation Day
There's nothing else left to say.

BRIDGE:
All the things I thought I stood for
All the things I've ever known
The lack of meaning has been shown.

OUTRO (feat. piano & violin)


© 2012 Lee Edward McIlmoyle
Etcetera Thesis Music
for the album 'The Whole Other Half (BaC2)'

credits

from The Whole Other Half (BaC 2), track released June 5, 2012
I. Have. No. Idea.
This may just wind up being composed entirely on the computer, unless I can get my hands on an electric violin and figure out how to play the parts in my head.

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about

Etcetera Thesis Music Hamilton, Ontario

Etcetera was a band that made music from 1993 to 2006.

Thesis was a recording project founded by Lee McIlmoyle and Gary Falkins of Etcetera to use up their unrehearsed songs.

The People's Republic of Limbo was Lee attempting to go solo. Not much more to say about that.

ALL of these projects are disbanded and/or cancelled.
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